I live in the Ocean filled with little fish and big fish. On good days, I swallow the whole swarm in one big scoop; on other days, I drift quietly and think about something nice, about how cool it is to be a blue whale living in the Ocean that only exists in my head.
I often see people. They are either on ships that pass me by, shouting down at me through loudspeakers as if I were one of them; or on land, which I sometimes approach whenever I need to.
Honestly, I don’t care about them. And they don’t care about me.
Lauren, oh my goodness! The end of this. And I LOVE that you went against my advice. But also, I teach this all the time, I call it Cliche with a Twist, and it is working SO WELL here. Because you didn't just use something common you did but made it new. Made it YOU! I really love "mucking about/mile after fishy mile." and "on salty broken edges." I think you have written about this in a way that feels new and fresh, which is hard to do. Well done:)
PS I'm so glad you loved the lesson. It makes my day:)
Ah! Thank you for this ✨ incredibly ✨ encouraging feedback, Kelly! I’m a newbie poet so very much in my imposter syndrome phase and truly appreciate it. Excited for the next lesson!
Well, you are doing great! And writing some exciting things! Pat yourself on the back. I always say instead of looking at imposter syndrome as a deficit, we should see that we are just so in love with something that we want to do it justice. Instead of imposter syndrome, you have appreciator's enthusiasm:) Excited to see what you write next.
Alastair, I love this. I especially love the contrast of the ordinary with the extraordinary. Her height paired with a miracle. Her skies and your childhood bed. The contrast is working so well here. Love how you have paired the normal with the instellar, which feels just how a child would think. Bravo!
And Im so glad you enjoyed the lesson! Thanks for saying so:)
Great first lesson! Here's my extended metaphor from the two columns:
I used to believe that truth was solid, unmovable, like granite. Now it’s more of a complicated calculus. A negative raised to an even power becomes positive, a fraction divided by the denominator gets you whole numbers. The equation balances. Both sides amount to the same thing - yet they appear completely different. Truth isn't a concrete rock; it's the changeable chameleon hiding on the rock's surface.
Love the idea of a "complicated calculus" and how you used the extended metaphor of math and value. This feels like it could cross over into some rich emotional territory :)
Thank you so much! I am SO glad it's helpful! Also, the fun is just getting started:) Excited to for a whole month of figurative language and to read what everyone has written!
Thank you for the lesson! It is amazing!
Here’s my little piece. I hope it works well.
***
I often think I am a blue whale.
I live in the Ocean filled with little fish and big fish. On good days, I swallow the whole swarm in one big scoop; on other days, I drift quietly and think about something nice, about how cool it is to be a blue whale living in the Ocean that only exists in my head.
I often see people. They are either on ships that pass me by, shouting down at me through loudspeakers as if I were one of them; or on land, which I sometimes approach whenever I need to.
Honestly, I don’t care about them. And they don’t care about me.
Thank God they don’t.
***
I so loved this lesson. I went a tad devious and decided to (against your advice, who do I think I am!?) write about one of the most common metaphors.
The world is your oyster
you spend your days rubber booted
mucking about
mile after fishy mile.
Stumbling and slipping
over cold grey mounds of soft flesh.
Taking care not to cut knees, elbows, fingertips
on salty broken edges.
You carry on this way until one day you turn a corner and nearly trip
over a giant moon of a pearl.
What now
you greedy little thing?
Lauren, oh my goodness! The end of this. And I LOVE that you went against my advice. But also, I teach this all the time, I call it Cliche with a Twist, and it is working SO WELL here. Because you didn't just use something common you did but made it new. Made it YOU! I really love "mucking about/mile after fishy mile." and "on salty broken edges." I think you have written about this in a way that feels new and fresh, which is hard to do. Well done:)
PS I'm so glad you loved the lesson. It makes my day:)
Ah! Thank you for this ✨ incredibly ✨ encouraging feedback, Kelly! I’m a newbie poet so very much in my imposter syndrome phase and truly appreciate it. Excited for the next lesson!
Well, you are doing great! And writing some exciting things! Pat yourself on the back. I always say instead of looking at imposter syndrome as a deficit, we should see that we are just so in love with something that we want to do it justice. Instead of imposter syndrome, you have appreciator's enthusiasm:) Excited to see what you write next.
Great first class, thank you :)
I tried writing about my Mum.
"Mum was a miracle. Five foot two
Yet she was a galaxy. Pale and beautiful,
Her skies my protection, my childhood bed. Her twinkle
Her smile, words unsaid, her reassuring beauty, all the while
She held me inside herself.
You don’t think about being inside a galaxy.
That was the vastness of her love."
Alastair, I love this. I especially love the contrast of the ordinary with the extraordinary. Her height paired with a miracle. Her skies and your childhood bed. The contrast is working so well here. Love how you have paired the normal with the instellar, which feels just how a child would think. Bravo!
And Im so glad you enjoyed the lesson! Thanks for saying so:)
Those last two lines! “You don’t think about being inside a galaxy” 🌌 ✨
Great first lesson! Here's my extended metaphor from the two columns:
I used to believe that truth was solid, unmovable, like granite. Now it’s more of a complicated calculus. A negative raised to an even power becomes positive, a fraction divided by the denominator gets you whole numbers. The equation balances. Both sides amount to the same thing - yet they appear completely different. Truth isn't a concrete rock; it's the changeable chameleon hiding on the rock's surface.
Love the idea of a "complicated calculus" and how you used the extended metaphor of math and value. This feels like it could cross over into some rich emotional territory :)
Dropping a comment to say this installment was EXCELLENT. Excellent job. My heart is a singing bird at the end of a rainy day after reading.
Thank you so much! I am SO glad it's helpful! Also, the fun is just getting started:) Excited to for a whole month of figurative language and to read what everyone has written!